Sunday, 28 December 2008

• Living For Her?

  I had a twin sister when I was born. She died at birth because when I came out my umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and strangled her. I wish so many times that she didn't have to die. I miss her so much. How can you be in the womb for 9 months with somebody, during your most developmental times and not have a special connection? You can't.

  I didn't know about Marley untill I was 13, but oddly enough I did have a pet duck when i was 4 named Mar-Mar... Coincedence? Idk... Anyway... Sometimes I feel like since she didn't get to live her life, I should live it for her. I find myself frequently thinking from two completely differnt perspectives and totally agreeing with two super different opinions. I think sometimes that I need to live her life for her because she didn't get the chance, and it was because of me. I just wish that I wouldn't have this confusion in my head. And I feel so bad for her "The One" because he is missing out on her. Do I fill in there as well? What about MY "The One?" What if she never had one to begin with because God knew she was not going to make it. But then what if she did and  he died too? Or he grows old and never marries because my umbilical cord strangled her. What about all of the old people who never fell in love and married? What happened to their "The One?"

  I have been pondering this for an hour or so... It's 4:01 in the morning... I am going to bed...

  Love Always,

  Chelsey

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