So, I have been writing. I enjoy it so much! I am writing a fan fiction right now and I just decided that I will share it on here for all of you xangans to enjoy! Comment!!!

    My visions have gotten much stronger lately. They are more vivid and last exceptionally longer than before. My memory of them has improved as well. It's almost as if I can control when I see them now, which helps my case here in the asylum. The people here, the doctors, they act as if we aren't alive. As if we are not real, just toys that are broken. When they can't fix us they let us live out a wasted life in solitude.

    There is one doctor, however, who is different from all of the rest. Unlike the other faceless physicians, Doctor has a thick accent. It sounds like French, but with a hint of Cockney perhaps? I can't decide. Whatever it may be, his is the most beautiful voice I have ever heard in my 17 years. Except for my dream boy, of course. Doctor has curly brown locks, a shocking contrast to his white skin, that ask to be played with. I am tempted every once in a while to reach up and twirl a strand, but that would be inappropriate. I have to be on my best behavior.

    Like most doctors, his hands are cold, like ice, and hard, but he is more gentle and softer than the others. I see him more often these days. He must've taken over my file. When he examines me I feel strangely at ease, unlike with the others. It is as if he and I, two completely different people, are the same somehow. Like we have a hidden connection. Something about him feels dangerous, not right, but I am always calm. He makes me feel calm.

    I feel strangely anxious tonight. Something is going to happen. I can feel the static in the air. I am afraid and excited at the same time. Perhaps, just maybe, my blonde knight will save me from this terrible place. My mind somewhat at ease, I lay down to dream of my fair skinned angel. Just as I begin to drift off, I am jarred awake by a vision. This is not a normal daydream, I can tell. I watch in confusion, what is to come...

    "Alice! Alice, come with me..." his satin voice begs. "Follow me."

    I can't see anything but shapes and images, burning my eyes. Fuzzy lines connected by color and sound float around in front of me. An oval, no a face makes itself somewhat clearer. It smiles.

    "Come to me Alice, follow me..." he whispers seductively.

    "I'm coming, I'm coming my Prince!" I run harder than I ever have before. "I'm coming, I'm coming James!"

    "That's right Alice, come to me. Follow me..."

    I run faster and faster, but the harder I run, the further ahead of me he gets. My alabaster Prince is nowhere near me. I am alone in the woods, alone.

    "James! James, where are you?" I scream out.

    "Turn around Alice..." he snarled. His voice, still like satin, but not near as inviting.

    I turn around slowly, praying silently that I am wrong. That I am asleep.

    His eyes are blacker than a shadow as he launches forward to -

    "Alice! Alice, wake up!"

Let me know what you guys think! Chapter two will be posted if One is recieved well! :)

Thanks dudes!!

Chels

^My Mood ^

I feel so diffident in your preasence,

Your confident playfulness drips all over me

You play with me like a little boy would play

You spiral my emotions

I sit here speechless

First, you smell my hair

I look into your dreamy eyes

Your innocence concealed by others

But blaring loud in my ears

Your weariness shows in your dark puppy eyes

Your life, your experience, your hurt

Carefully put away

I reach out to you to embrace you

To let you know that I care

More than anyone else ever could

I brush your hand

We fit perfectly as we embrace

Like two perfectly crafted puzzle pieces

If only I could kiss you without hesitation

Without any thoughts of entangled relationships

Our hearts both contain so much complexity

Our pasts are sickly warped

But the noise of the silent hours

Molds our problems into one shared friendship

It seems that to you,

It is all so superficial

It saddens me to know that I need you

From the deepest hole in my heart

You are beautiful, innocent, my dear

We long to play, frolic, and never grow up

Yet we are drawn toward the end of the sidewalk

The end of the fairytale

I long to be held

But do you really feel more?

Do you hold that capacity to feel

As deeply as I do?

 No, it draws for much too much complexities

I crave your presence

So your pillow lips would linger on mine

You make me feel so giggly and bubbly inside

Perhaps I don't have to grow up

Perhaps this hope that you have given me

Can last forever

Perhaps not

I feel so happy, so passionate, so optimistic

How could you do that to me?

What an incredible aura you give off

But perhaps I interpret your flirtatious gestures

As more than what they really are

But you keep me to yourself

There is that chance that you wish for

Something in the shallow waters

But whatever my contortions

Of your feelings may be

You've allowed me to dream of love in a new way

But the fear of hurt lies

Waiting patiently in the background

I know your are but aren't strong

Confusion lurks in your soft eyes

Despite the difficulties that present themselves

I am truly happy

Trully filled with wholeness

Let's snuggle

Smile with me, tickle me,

And make me giggle.

-Chelsey

I'm sorry I have a life. I'm sorry I am involved in things that make me happy. Does it matter to you not what I think. I'm sorry I study too much and don't skip my college class to hang out with you. I'm sorry I can't call you after 9 because my body needs rest for a test the next day. I'm sorry I love to minister to people and express myself in Fine Arts. I'm sorry I study for the ACT instead of go to the movies with you. I'm sorry I plan time for my music lesson instead of two hours to drive around and waste gas. I'm sorry I'm ambitious and don't want to stay at home and do nothing. I'm sorry I have two jobs to help support my family because the economy is in a state of suckiness. I'm sorry I sing and annoy you. I'm sorry I don't listen to K-Love, but instead I listen to Kings of Leon, Muse, or Jonny Lang. I'm sorry I want to play the piano for hours while I am at your house. And I'm sorry it's the same song, your song. I'm sorry that I dyed my hair brown and cut it short when you said you liked it better long and blonde. I'm sorry that I skipped hanging out at the pool hall to babysit and make an extra 20 bucks for next weeks gas. I'm sorry I had to work on BETA all day saturday instead of watch a movie at your house. I'm sorry I had to go looking for a dress for my talent competition. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry...

-

Chelsey

You know that saying "Curiosity Killed The Cat?"

No... Curiosity did no such favor of killing the cat. Curiosity tortured the cat! Made the poor little cat suffer and wonder. Why are cats so curious anyway? I mean my goodness.

Well, I may not be a cat, but I for sure as crap am curious. About EVERYTHING! Like, even things that don't matter. The "How It's Made" show for instance... Has to be my all time favorite show! I don't know why but I just love to watch what random thing they are gonna teach me how to make. Tampons was the last one. I don't know why I'll ever need to know that but I do.

ANYWAY... So I am curious. :)

About a year ago I was dating this guy... Um.. Let's call him "Bob." We got along great. I reeeeeeally liked him a lot. But I went to a New Years sleepover (Hector last year) and a terrible thing happened.

I. Got. Curious.

It actually wasn't my fault. I was about to go to sleep on New Years night 2007 when I recieve a phone call from my EX BOYFRIEND (the one before "Bob"). We'll name him "Jerk". He had been my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything. So, you know there is always a special place in your heart for your first? Well, I would love nothing more than to locate the "special place" in my heart for "Jerk" and hack it out and shove it down the garbage desposal...sp?... anyway.. He had cheated on me the ENTIRE time we were together. (This was difficult for me to handle because I had a tough time trusting boys because of some lengthy issues in my past..Thats a WHOLE 'nother blog tho..) So when I found out "Jerk" was cheating on me I broke up with him. That didn't make it hurt any less tho because I still believed that I loved him. (we had gone out for 1 year and a half) Well... He called me that New Years night just to "see how I was doing" and I fell for him again... WHILE I WAS WITH BOB!!! GAH!!! Well...he DROVE TO HECTER the next morning and woke me up with him sitting on the foot of the bed playing my song "Coffeeshoppe" on the guitar... So I basically cheated on "Bob"... to only find out that "Jerk" was going out with a girl (the girl he had cheated on me with and was now cheating on her with me). I felt like a pile of dog turd. So, I broke up with "Bob" because he didn't deserve to be treated like that. Thing is, I didn't really love Bob so it was kinda ok... Got rid of the Jerk eventually... Dated him again a few months later then really for REAL dumped him...

NOW I am dating the LOVE OF MY LIFE, Jonathan (thats his real name)... I love him sooo much, I really do..

BUT I AM SO FREAKING CURIOUS!

Omg... So... Idk what to do now because I obviously can't be good friends with a guy and not fall for him. Cuz now there is a "friend"... Gah.. Thing is... Most guys I can easily learn how they work... I am a pretty good reader of personalities I suppose but this fellow? Dang is he confusing... I guess maybe my curiosity is piqued because I can't seem to figure him out. And when I think I do, he does something that is waaaaaaay different than what I thought.

Why do I get myself into these situations?

God? Please guide me and whisper my path into my ear. I'm not doing such a hot job by myself...

Insanely Yours,

Chelsey

So, I have established the fact that I love him. He and I are perfect for each other. We have been friends for years and everything just seems to work for us.

But then he came into the picture. I used to hate being in Band. But ever since that first meeting, football games sucked a little bit less. Not only because I could watch my gorgeous boyfriend run around in tight pants, but also because he was there. I don't recall the very first moment my boyfriend and I met. But I do recal meeting him for the first time. Every second lingers in my mind like last note of a violin fading the end of a beautiful song. Funny how that works. Every word that was exchanged that night is imprinted in my memory. Every thought that passed through my mind filed away in a cabinet somewhere in my brain.

I do not know why this meeting was so important. Are we nothing more than friends? Not knowing the future is intensly frustrating. But fate said we should meet, and meet we did. Now, it is up to me, I'm afraid, to decide what to make of it.

God, why does life have to be so confusing? The feelings I have for him are solid, strong, and sure. On the other hand, my feelings for him are sketchy, skeptical, and shaky. I am not willing to even ask if I would give up one for another.

Yet.

Chelsey

I had a twin sister when I was born. She died at birth because when I came out my umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and strangled her. I wish so many times that she didn't have to die. I miss her so much. How can you be in the womb for 9 months with somebody, during your most developmental times and not have a special connection? You can't.

I didn't know about Marley untill I was 13, but oddly enough I did have a pet duck when i was 4 named Mar-Mar... Coincedence? Idk... Anyway... Sometimes I feel like since she didn't get to live her life, I should live it for her. I find myself frequently thinking from two completely differnt perspectives and totally agreeing with two super different opinions. I think sometimes that I need to live her life for her because she didn't get the chance, and it was because of me. I just wish that I wouldn't have this confusion in my head. And I feel so bad for her "The One" because he is missing out on her. Do I fill in there as well? What about MY "The One?" What if she never had one to begin with because God knew she was not going to make it. But then what if she did and  he died too? Or he grows old and never marries because my umbilical cord strangled her. What about all of the old people who never fell in love and married? What happened to their "The One?"

I have been pondering this for an hour or so... It's 4:01 in the morning... I am going to bed...

Love Always,

Chelsey

So I don't know if you guys have read the Twilight series. I have and I can honestly say that I love them like cake! With rainbow sparkly sprinkles! Carried in by ponies, pink ponies! But there are a few points I generally love to make fun of. Why not?

So here is what the whole book is generally about: Bella is an angsty teen who falls for a pretty vampire who sparkles! Also, vampire baseball. Omg... The first 3/4ths of the book can basically be summed up by this: "Omg why does he hate me? Whe does he hate me again? Omg I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him he loves me! And he sparkles! Omg this other vampire wants to kill me! But Edward Sparklespire loves me! And his vampire family loves me! But now I have to sacrifice myself to save the people that I love! But they all still come to save me! And then we go to prom! (Also: "I though your vampire sister dressed me up so that you could turn me, what do you mean we're going to prom?!?")

At this point, Alice (coolest vampire not sister ever) dresses Bella in a fancy little number to "go through the change" to become a vampire! Wrong!! Bella, honey, they don't make corsages for death...

The End!

Or is it....Lol

Chelsey