What

Do

You

Do

When

The

One

Who

Dried

Your

Tears

Was

The

One

Who

Made

You

Cry

?

Much too young, both of us.

What are you doing?

"Don't worry, it will feel good."

My mommy said-

"You won't tell your mommy!"

I'm scared.

----

No, please stop!

He didn't listen.

Please! Ow, STOP!

Hormones cloud his vision.

You're HURTING me!

Rip!

Tear!

Cry!

Lost!

Gone.

"If you tell your mommy, she will hate you."

My gift, taken from me at only four years old.

Kept silent for 14 years.

Now it's too late.

Happy Birthday Bobby.

Dear Boy,

     I thank God every day that we have finally met. Now that we are together, I hope you will love me for me, and not hope for someone who is much thinner or prettier than I. I hope you will not compare me to girls who have brighter smiles. I pray that you will make me laugh, take care of me when I am sick, and be a trustworthy man of integrity and honour. I hope you will remember that I prefer daisies to roses, and that my favorite color changes with my mood. Please know that my eyes are not blue, they are green with sapphire speckles and foamy blue flecks. Please know that I might be too shy to kiss you first, but please do not be too afraid to kiss me. I will not slap you or push you away. I am sure you kisses will be perfect. When we go on dates, please do not stress about where to take me; what is important is that I am with you. Please do not think that I am asking to much of you. I am very nervous and scared, but I will try my very best to be kind and love you for all that you are, without expecting too much from you. Thank you for being who you are.

Forever Yours,

<3 Girl

I love poetry. I do not love punctuation. But alas, while reading some poems online I found that sometimes punctuation really matters... A lot!

Take the following letter for example:

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?

Gloria

Aww.. Sweet huh? Now read the exact same letter, same words, same everything.

Except punctuation:

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?

Yours, Gloria

W

O

W

I know right? I never laughed so hard in my life... Just thought I would share this with you guys! :)

Love,

Chelsey

 So this New Years was SPECTACULAR!

I am really beginning to HATE this font... Hold on.. Let me change it...

Ah, here we go... Anyway.. Here is an outline of my New Years:

1: No Go!!

2: Horses!!

3: COW!!!

4: Hypothermia

5: No Go Cemetary

6: Trunk

\m/ (>.<) \m/

Rock On!!!!

(I thought that was cute)

1: No Go

No Go is a small town in Arkansas that has a population of around 48 ppl, 52 dogs, 397 hogs, 295 cows, and 12,345,678,901,234,567,890 horses... :) Anyway, it has to be the smallest town I have ever been to.. My friend Carly lives there on the McDonald farm... I kid you not! Carly, Stephanie, Caitlin, Kassidy (my sis) and I went up to her farm for two days per New Years Tradition! This would involve Horses, Games, Wii Fit Competitions, No Go Cemetery (which of coarse ment fourwheeling), and WAXING! (but we cant talk about that last one) So anyway, us girls set off on the 1 hour and a half drive to Carly's... On the way there we stopped to take some pics...

  This is me, Stephanie, Caitlin, and Kassidy by some cool roadkill!

aaand we have Stephanie, Caitlin, Carly, Kassidy, and I in an old abandoned house that we tresspassed at! :)

2: Horses

OMG HORSES!

Me and Ribbons...

Carly's step-dad owns the McDonald farm and they have HORSES! We got to ride them for a bit but the weather was FREEZING and Caitlin's horses desprately wanted to get back to her child horse... (colt?) Anyway... we rode back and on the way saw a frightening thing that made us RUN the horses back to the barn and unsaddle/bridle/brush them faster than anyone has ever done it! I have NEVER in my life done anything with a horse but ride an occasional pony at the fair... But because Caitlin's horse Chantell ran off to find her colt, Carly put me in charge of getting everything off and put up so we could hurry off after she got Chantell back and go attend to the horrifying issue! Whew...

3: COW!!!

Although this is not the cow of which I am about to speak of.. This cow is special.. He was born retarded.. I'm not joking.. It won't play with the cows, he only plays with the horses...

His name is Flowerr and Carly did a very cruel thing to Flowerr... You can yell "Flowerr!!" all day but he will not come unless you say it like a "retard." lol..although it is kinda funny....well... yea.. hehe...

Anyway... we saw a cow stuck in the mud... on her SIDE...in 30 degree weather! So Carly, as the daughter of the owner of the cow, felt responsible for getting her out! And we, as the guests of the daughter of the owner of the cow, felt the same... Gary (owner of the cow) was out of town as was Jane (Gary's wife)... So it was up to us and only us! We got over there and the poor cow was in LABOR!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! Of all the times to fall over in a mud puddle in labor she had to wait until the owner leaves? OMG! So we get Gary on the phone who flips out and talks us through yanking her out of the mud puddle with a lead rope and a fourwheeler and BIRTHING the calf! Yes ladies and gentlemen! I birthed a calf! Literally!

4: Hypothermia

Hypothermia sucks... Thats all I have to say...

5: No Go Cemetary

After the cow incident we decided to hurry up and get the fourwheelers out so we could make our 2 hour journey to the hidden, OLD No Go Cemetary to spend the last hours of 2008. This cemetary is buried DEEP in the trails of the woods on their land...Like I said, takes two hours to get there... The tombstones are from the 1600's to the 1800's... CREEEEEPY!!!! Anyway..that went through amazingly without a hitch and we even had a bit of cell phone reception! :)  ... Boyfriends hate the Girls Night Only New Years Party. :)

6: TRUNK : (

I love lamp... But I LOATHE TRUNK!!! Im not even going to explain... Lets just say...I was running and it was dark..

That wasn't even a minute after I hit it...

And this is the area of pain...lol

So, all in all I would say that we had a pretty memorable New Years! Even though I am still hobbling about... L0L...

Happy New Years!

Love,

Chelsey!!!

Why does my life have to be so complicated? I love him SOOO much! I refuse to let him down. To let me down. I can only do so much. Why don't I watch what I say? Why can't I seem to control myself? It's all my fault. He doesn't even know... It's almost a case of perfection... Even when I am talking about him, He doesn't know because they're the same. What should I do God? Please guide me. We've been through so much and I will not let it fail. I will not allow myself to slip.

But I love him too...

Gah,

Chelsey

A few days ago I was talking to my daddy (my real dad) about religion...Well, let me back up a bit...

I am 18 and both of my parents split up and remarried... So with my Step-Dad (Dad) and Mom, I have...April (older adopted step-sister), Katlyn and Kolyn (younger girl/boy twin steps), and Chloe (baby half.) Gah.. And with my real dad (Daddy) and Step-Mom (Kim) I have Darci(older step-sis), Logan (older step-sis), Kassidy (she and the rest are younger halflings), Avery, Sydnee, Lauren, Hayden, Anna-Clair, Isaac, and William-Paul... Whew!!! Omg so that would put me at 14 siblings... So I guess you didn't need to know all that but that's just a lil background for me... I am the 4th oldest...

So anyway... I am currently visiting my daddy in Fayettville (he is a doctor so not only do I live 2 hours away and not get to see him but I barely see him when I am there) and we got on the subject of Religion. We were watching the History Channel; something about Revelations and the AntiChrist. I, as an Assemblies of God Christian, firmly believe in the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and the Rapture...All of that stuff..I have assumed for years that my daddy was a Christian because of his rearing and morals... Come to find out he "is"...but he said, "I am a Babtist, once saved always saved." So basically what he was telling me is that he asked Jesus into his heart when he was really little and now he is going to Heaven no matter what... Well, I don't believe in "once saved always saved." Basically, as I understand, when you ask Jesus into your heart He has delivered you from your sin, and all of us are born sinners. But that doesn't mean that thats all you have to do. Being a Christian is tough. Rewarding in the most unimaginable ways, but still, the road is steep and narrow.

When you ask Jesus into your life, you are starting a relationship. All relationships need constant work to keep them alive and growing. So by saying "I asked Him into my life forever ago, I'm all good" you mean that's it? My daddy doesn't go to church, ever. He doesn't read his Bible..if he owns one. He is an extremely analytical realist... He said he believed part of the story...but not all of the "deep stuff." He told me, "think about it, a beast comes out of the sea and one out of the earth? And the Antichrist??? Come on..." But I retaliated with the facts that the two beasts are metaphors for the Antichrist and the False Prophet... I guess since I was raised in this believe, this way of life, that I can't understand how he doesn't believe. Especially since he was raised the same way. He says he doesn't need to go to church to be saved. True, but why wouldn't you want to? To be with your brothers and sisters in Christ in fellowship? And he thinks he doesn't need to read the Bible.. If you ask Jesus into your heart, you are starting a relationship (like I said earlier.) Relationships require constant communication to keep it alive. You communicate to God by praying to Him seeking Him in worship, whether that be in your head or in other tongues ( thats a whole other weblog)... People say, "but I can't hear Him talking to me..." You can.. You just have to "listen" by reading your Bible... That is God's Word, how He talks to you.

Wow...Sorry if I completely rambled... I just wish my daddy would understand. I have talked to many non-believer and even the fake believers about Christ, but my daddy saying that my beliefs were basically baloney? That completely ripped my soul in half. It doesn't make me love Jesus any less. I just know that in this time of heartache, I need to trust Him more. He has a devine plan... I just hope that my daddy will see through my actions as well as others around him that God loves him. There is no need to turn your back on God. He loves you and will NEVER leave you. All you have to do is accept Him. I know sometimes you feel alone, as if God is punishing you... I have a lengthy and amazing testimony that has made me so strong in God. If you would like to hear it, message me...

Anyway... I feel like I just wrote an essay... Lol... I just needed to get that off my chest. If you are a religious person at all, any kind. Please remember my daddy, and pray for him...

Thank you my Xanga friends,

Chelsey

So, I have been experimenting with some creative writing. I might want to major in it in college but I'm not sure. I am in the process (like 234,616,456 other people) of writing a book. I have a chapter so far but I think that I might have to start over. I am really OCD and I can't seem to just flow-write. Instead, I correct every little mistake along the way and by the time I am done I've forgotten what comes next. Here is a small portion of a sample of my writing... Lol... It may not be much but as far as I can tell, it's pretty darn close to perfect!!!

Forever Sorry

Chills run down my spine as I cup shaking hands around my lips, attempting slow even breaths. A thundering ricochet builds up in my ears as my heart beats in perfect tempo with his pacing footsteps on the hard floor above me. “He’s back again,” I realize as a new wave of fear makes its presence known. I can taste the wet mold in the air as I sit in my dark secluded corner, waiting for him to come down again. Opening my eyes for the first time in what seems like hours, I see nothing but a darkness, blacker than black, teasing and taunting me. The silence lets out an earsplitting shriek as the sound of my trepidation challenges its territory. Defeated, I go back to my quiet place to think. Who knew that one decision could affect the rest of my life? I never thought that it would happen to me. Stroking the tiny ring on my left hand, I think about what I have witnessed these past dark hours. As I lay dying in my very own purgatory, my heart died in its ribcage prison. I lean back my head and watch the angels come to take me home as I leave hell and life behind me.

Opinions anyone?

Love Always,

Chelsey